Tuesday, September 10 2024
Quantz Productivity Boost Actually Cocaine
Quantz Productivity Boost Actually Cocaine
In a leaked memo, it is revealed that productivity is actually a result of using cocaine.... Read More
News Archive
Tuesday, September 10 2024
Quantz Productivity Boost Actually Cocaine
Tuesday, September 10 2024
Morsley Surveillance Faces Legal Turmoil Amid Disturbing Allegations
Morsley Surveillance Faces Legal Turmoil Amid Disturbing Allegations
Morsley, a major player in the surveillance industry, is facing significant legal challenges after reports surfaced that employees have been secretly misusing company cameras.... Read More
Tuesday, September 10 2024
Famous Porch Pirate & Content Creator Killed by Almendia driver
Famous Porch Pirate & Content Creator Killed by Almendia driver
Famous porch pirate and content creator JohnnyNabbs was shot and killed yesterday in a New Jersey suburban home while attempting to steal a new delivery of diapers, causing Almendia delivery drivers and customers alike to rejoice.... Read More
Monday, September 9 2024
GenSec Guard Caught “Guarding the Wrong Thing”
GenSec Guard Caught “Guarding the Wrong Thing”
An anonymous tip has GenSec reeling after a guard was found in a compromising situation, but was it all just a big misunderstanding?... Read More
Monday, September 9 2024
Gold & Sharke Expands to Gold & Sharks
Gold & Sharke Expands to Gold & Sharks
Gold & Sharke dives into new waters, offering insurance for both gold and, well, sharks. The bank giant, that also offers insurance, has announced their latest offering: insurance for both gold and pet sharks.... Read More
Monday, September 9 2024
SCB robberies keep affecting stock price
SCB robberies keep affecting stock price
Secure Capital Bank can’t seem to catch a break, with them being a victim of more robberies than ever.... Read More
Monday, September 9 2024
Mayhem Caused by Crime Sprees a “Smashing” Success for Flatkeep
Mayhem Caused by Crime Sprees a “Smashing” Success for Flatkeep
While New York crumbles, Flatkeep is cashing in on the chaos. By now, New Yorkers must treat the sound of gunfire and explosions like background noise, but for construction company Flatkeep, it’s music to their ears.... Read More
Monday, September 9 2024
Vialock to offer anti-heist insurance
Vialock to offer anti-heist insurance
In a press release earlier today, the security company ViaLock will start to offer insurance to prevent heist attempts.... Read More
Monday, September 9 2024
Andrew Kang Is Yet Again Facing Backlash After Controversial AI Staffing Announcement
Andrew Kang Is Yet Again Facing Backlash After Controversial AI Staffing Announcement
In a move that has sent shockwaves through both the tech industry and financial markets, Andrew Kang, the controversial CEO of Scry Digital, is once again at the center of a firestorm.... Read More
Saturday, September 7 2024
Woman permanently blinded by eye scanner
Woman permanently blinded by eye scanner
An eye-opening incident caused by a faulty eye scanner has damaged the vision of a bank worker for life. Read More
Saturday, September 7 2024
Buffler car salesman caught selling faulty car
Buffler car salesman caught selling faulty car
Earlier today, The Gateway Report received information from a secret source, claiming that a high ranked Buffler employee was selling a faulty car.... Read More
Saturday, September 7 2024
Wixia screensaver found to be crypto mining
Wixia screensaver found to be crypto mining
The origin of Wixias recent crypto assets has been made clear as they face a class-action lawsuit for crypto mining their client's computers via their screensaver. Read More
Saturday, September 7 2024
New Morsley client expected to cause uptick
New Morsley client expected to cause uptick
Security camera company Morsley's future looks bright after their latest quarterly report. Read More
Saturday, September 7 2024
Safe cracking, literally
Safe cracking, literally
Turns out Titan, the company manufacturing indestructible cameras, isn’t as successful in safes. Read More
Saturday, September 7 2024
GenSec hirings, and stock, soares
GenSec hirings, and stock, soares
GenSec reaches new heights after a small job listing has found traction. Read More
Friday, September 6 2024
CenNive fans actually not fans
CenNive fans actually not fans
The electronics company CenNive is in hot water after an airless discovery. Read More
Friday, September 6 2024
Gold & Sharke Announces Healthcare for Employees, With One Small Catch: No Getting Sick on Company Time
Gold & Sharke Announces Healthcare for Employees, With One Small Catch: No Getting Sick on Company Time
Confustion and excitement as the bank introduced an unusual healthcare system. Read More
Friday, September 6 2024
Former Employee Files Lawsuit Against SCB, Alleging Bank Stole Her Lunch Every Friday
Former Employee Files Lawsuit Against SCB, Alleging Bank Stole Her Lunch Every Friday
In a bizarre legal twist, ex-employee Samantha Conor is suing SCB Bank, accusing the institution of repeatedly stealing her lunch every Friday. Read More
Friday, September 6 2024
Kristoffer Tuck Appointed CEO of Flatkeep Following Tragic Death of Bill Tyler
Kristoffer Tuck Appointed CEO of Flatkeep Following Tragic Death of Bill Tyler
Kristoffer Tuck has been named the new CEO of Flatkeep, stepping in after the sudden death of former CEO Bill Tyler. Read More
Friday, September 6 2024
“Unhackable” Security System Cracked by 19-Year-Old During Hackathon
“Unhackable” Security System Cracked by 19-Year-Old During Hackathon
A 19-year-old Brooklyn student effortlessly hacked ViaLock’s "unhackable" system during a company-hosted hackathon. Read More
Friday, September 6 2024
LynxGuard Introduces Gold-Plated Cameras, Tech Mogul Markus Pålsson Makes Massive Order
LynxGuard Introduces Gold-Plated Cameras, Tech Mogul Markus Pålsson Makes Massive Order
LynxGuard, a leading security technology company, has unveiled a new line of gold-plated surveillance cameras. Read More
Thursday, September 5 2024
Buffler Unveils New Sedan, Declares It “The Future of Mediocrity”
Buffler Unveils New Sedan, Declares It “The Future of Mediocrity”
Buffler’s latest sedan, touted as "perfectly adequate," sends stock prices climbing. Read More
Thursday, September 5 2024
IDE CEO Blames Millennials and Gen Z for Declining Diamond Sales
IDE CEO Blames Millennials and Gen Z for Declining Diamond Sales
The CEO faces backlash after blaming younger generations for the company's declining diamond sales, calling them "worthless" in a controversial statement. Read More
Thursday, September 5 2024
Wixia Reveals “Significant Holdings” in Cryptocurrencies
Wixia Reveals “Significant Holdings” in Cryptocurrencies
Wixia's latest financial report unveils substantial investments in cryptocurrencies, raising both eyebrows and stock prices. Read More